Building a Mystery
by rawrkristina
Summary: Imogen is new to Lima and feeling lonely she starts to write letters to a stranger telling about her new life with people she never thought she could become friends with. Format based off of Perks of being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky. Mostly based off of events from an RP I am in.
1. January 4

January 4, 2012

Dear Friend,

I am writing to you because he told me you would listen and understand. Don't try and figure out who he is because you might find me and I definitely don't want that. Saying that I won't be saying real names of the people I am talking about (or my real name). I will also not have a return address nor tell you where I actually moved from so you can't find me. So what exactly inspired me to write a handwritten letter (because what 21st century teenager does that right?) well my friend Eli always referred me random books to read. Well the most recent one that he referred me was 'Perks of being a Wallflower' by Stephen Chbosky. Maybe you have heard of it or read it. Well I liked the idea of Charlie writing his thoughts and life (like a confession of some sort) to a complete stranger. So here I am, your new one way pen pal I guess. I am sure you are probably wondering who this crazy person is that is currently writing you. As I said before hand written letters are pretty much a dime a dozen these days; as it's mostly bills, Netflix, magazines, and even more bills. Well let's just say this cray girl is named Alexa.

Today was my first day of school at McKinley High. The worst feeling is starting a new school in a completely different state/country midway through their senior year. I felt even more invisible here (minus the one time where a jock threw a slushie in my face) than I did where I used to live. I had a tour guide though who showed me around the school by the name of Rachel. She talked a lot mostly about herself, her boyfriend Finn, glee club, and how she was determined to get into a school called NYADA. It was nice that she was a senior like me so we had a couple of classes together. We had American History and Spanish together she was also nice enough to let me sit next to her today. So I guess I can consider her my first friend in Lima. Her friend Kurt (who I guess normally always sits next to her) understood so he wasn't angry with me, he didn't introduce himself though.

Spanish seems to be the easiest class since it is practically the exact same as it was where I used to live. I do miss my Spanish class buddy, Jake though. The oddest memory popped into my head dealing with Jake. When I was dating my first boyfriend, Eli he freaked out because I was hanging out with Jake. See Eli's ex-girlfriend started dating Jake a few weeks after the two of them broke up so he started assuming they had the same taste in girls and I would actually cheat on him with Jake. Anyways the hardest class for me was History. No matter how many times I take that class I can't seem to remember anything. I have never really failed that class just fail a lot of the tests. It's my memory though, it's very selective and I only remember things I want to remember; like I remember that in Harry Potter George losing his ear was foreshadowing Fred's death. Like the splitting of his other half.

After the first day ended I had to walk home with my younger step-sister, Lily. She is almost the exact opposite of me. See she is more into being popular and conforming just to fit in. She actually cares about the social ladder. Me on the other hand I prefer to be myself and stick to not caring about the status quo. I have never fully been liked or treated well by the populars. So my sister going on and on about Coach Sylvester not letting her on the cheerios from getting here mid school year was pretty really annoying, like the only way to make friends was to be a cheerleader. She still made a few friends though apparently they are "totes awes and like the coolest people in this crap town…they are even cheerios." So if you can't tell the 20 minute walk was pretty much hell. In other news my mom agreed to get me a car as long as I only get A's and B's in school and drive my sister around. I guess there is always a catch, but it will be worth it to not have to listen to her talk the entire way home. The radio has never seemed like such a beautiful thing.

I guess she decided that getting the car (even with the catches) was because she pulled me away from everything for her job. She is a surgeon and was offered a better position here than the hospital she worked at where I used to live. She felt especially bad for me leaving my dad with dementia back home. Originally I thought I was going to be safe and able to stay back because of my dad. It was his idea though, he wanted me closer to my mom and knew it would be better if I left with her. No matter how much crying and sadness came from it, I had to leave for small town Ohio. I was also sad about leaving Eli and Fiona who were my two best friends. At the end of semester carnival Fiona and I kissed and I seriously thought we would start dating. So leaving her was extremely hard. At least we can still skype, makes leaving everyone less painful.

The reason I even started this (other than being inspired by an amazing book) was because feeling alone at school for so many years I felt that I needed a source outside of a diary who would listen and not judge me.

Love,

Imogen

**Alright so this is actually inspired by Perks of being a Wallflower as said in the story. The whole beginning (and end) of this chapter sounded very similar to the opening of the book and that is a onetime thing. **


	2. January 6

January 6, 2012

Dear Friend,

I don't think I have ever been so relieved for a Friday. It is four in the morning and I just can't sleep. Have you ever had those nights where you are tired but you can't sleep for no reason like you aren't sad, excited or any of those emotions that would keep you up. Tonight is definitely one of those nights for me. Like I have once stayed up for two nights living off nothing but coffee after my ex-boyfriend broke up with me. It was not a pretty break-up. I found out he had been cheating on me and he told me I was nothing to him when I confronted him about it. So I spent those two days crying and living off coffee. I also had a hard time sleeping when I was moving here from nervousness, sadness, and kind of excitement. Only excitement because it was a new start with people who would have no idea who I was but that wasn't super excitement so it was mostly nervousness and sadness.

So without that car, I had to deal with my sister walking home some more. Whoever invented headphones I seriously want to give them a giant kiss. Even if I was only able to do one headphone because she whined otherwise it was still easier to tune her out this way. I don't even know why she wanted me to listen so much when she didn't even like people to know I am related to her. I recall when I went up to her after school on Thursday all ready to walk home with her. She was with her friend Phil and he laughed at me so she was like "I don't know this freak." Needless to say I had her walk home alone and I went to the Lima Bean with Rachel.

I should probably tell you the story about why I randomly suddenly had plans with Rachel. Well she felt bad that at lunch I was sitting by myself so in history she asked if after Glee Club if I wanted to go to Lima Bean with her. I said no because my mom said I have to walk home with Lily but maybe during lunch one day. So after my sister decided to call me a freak, I just made her go by herself and walked to the library staying there till 4 when Glee Club ended. Rachel was excited that I was able to go after all but was sad at what my sister did. I was actually kind of happy about it since this saved me from a day of listening to Lily. Rachel brought her boyfriend Finn to the Lima Bean which didn't bother me since they didn't third-wheel me or anything. Finn was actually really nice to me and asked me a couple of questions about me and said he didn't understand why my sister called me a freak when he didn't think so. Well when Rachel brought up something about Glee Club (I think about songs they should do for regionals) Finn said I should join since it would help me branch out and make friends. Rachel kind of retaliated asking if I could even sing. I don't think she meant it in a rude way even if it kind of came out that way. Well I mentioned how I have been singing since I was 10 and was even a lead vocalist in the band I was in back home. I refused to sing at the lima bean though since it felt weird just singing by myself there. I did however agree to audition during their next meeting which made them excited. Apparently they also need more female singers (Rachel said to be back-up for her that actually made me laugh a bit.)

Ok when did it get to be 5 I could have sworn it was 4 like 10 minutes ago. I guess I should end this letter now and try and sleep since I have to be up by 10. So I bid you farewell for now.

Love,

Imogen


	3. January 13

January 13, 2012

Dear Friend,

So this past week has been insane. Thanks to finally having a car I do not have to deal with my sister talking a lot since I can usually shut her up by saying that I am trying to pay attention to the road. Plus we only live five minutes away from the school which I love like a lot. Also since I can just drive home and drop off my step sister I can now do stuff after school. Like on Tuesday I went to Lima Bean with Rachel and her friend Kurt. He actually introduced himself this time so that was nice. He is actually a nice guy I guess he was a little annoyed when I took his seat that's why he didn't introduce himself…oops. One major difference this time at the Lima Bean then when Finn was here is I didn't understand a lot of what Rachel and Kurt were talking about. Mostly NYADA and Broadway, I mean I know a little about Broadway but I have absolutely no idea what NYADA is. Well Rachel told me it is the New York Academy of the Dramatic Arts which the two of them applied for and are waiting for their letters saying they are finalists. Rachel mentioned she was kind of scared that she wouldn't get one though since she was suspended last semester since she stuffed a ballot box to make Kurt win senior class president. I didn't really want to ask more about that since I felt that would be rude. I changed the subject about my Glee Club audition since I was stuck on four songs that I should sing.

_Pressure _by Paramore

_Kiss me_ by Sixpence none the richer

_Don't let me get me_ by P!nk

Despite my nerves and total not wanting to sing in a public place I knew I had to do it. So I sang a verse from each song and they decided that I sounded the best singing _Pressure_. They were oddly surprised that I could sing good like they didn't believe that I was able to or something. I have no idea if I should be hurt or offended by that but felt it as better to ignore it like I ignore a lot of stuff.

So the next day, on Wednesday during Home Ec. Class I get called to the office and you know like most teenagers anytime you are called to the office you think you did something bad and were in trouble. Well during the entire walk from the Home Ec classroom to Principle Figgins office I tried going through my brain to see if I actually did anything wrong to deserve to be in trouble. Since I couldn't figure out a damn thing I just entered the office confused. I was surprised when my principle (who I guess is a bit of an idiot) told me to show the new girl Anya around. She is actually from my old school, which is awesome. We never really talked though but it's cool she moved here since we actually have a lot in common, like we both have over hyper personalities and not into the whole conforming thing. She told me that she loved to LARP which is live action role playing, if you have never heard of it. She told me she would take me to do it one day because I seriously am super interested in it. I made her promise that I could be a fairy or a princess because those two seemed like they would be the most fun to play. I also always love a good excuse to have glitter thrown at people. At least that is what I think I would be able to do. I was happy to find out we had Home Ec together because that meant that I would finally get a partner of my own. I mean I love working with Brittany and Sugar but they weren't the best bakers and so I was left to do a lot of the work on my own. They are really nice girls though so I didn't just stand there silent while cooking I actually had conversations. So having my own partner was great, I have faith that Anya will actually help me out and make that class a lot of fun. After school that day was kind of funny because Anya was telling me she was interested in this blonde guy that she bumped into in the halls. She was saying how he was super cute and has an amazing laugh (he apparently laughed when she fell to the ground). She didn't talk to him though she just picked up her books and walked off blushing and embarrassed. I could see the two of us actually becoming best friends quickly.

I made it into Glee Club! I was so nervous walking into the choir room to my audition. Everyone was just talking amongst themselves like they were best friends (which from what Rachel told me they were.) Rachel ran over to me when she saw me walk in the room which made me smile a bit. She told everyone to be quiet and introduced me. I actually knew a couple of people from my classes one guy (I believe his name is Puck) pointed out that he knew me from Spanish class and that I was the new girl. Rachel just told him to shut up and that everyone listen to my audition. I gave the piano guy my sheet music and sang an acoustic version of Paramore's Pressure. I was so relieved when I actually finished and people clapped for me! That made me happy and way more confident. I took a seat next to Rachel and was congratulated by everyone. I learned that the blonde boy that Anya ran into was named Sam (odd how by a description like 'blonde and has big lips' could actually be easy to find). I need to remember to tell her what his name is since she was out sick with the flu today. I didn't really contribute when Mr. Shue was asking for ideas on what to sing at Regionals. I was the new girl who knew like nothing about show choir…I didn't think it'd be right if I actually tried to contribute.

I did just find a new favorite day of the week (Well Tuesday and Thursday) if Glee Club is this fun every week.

Love,

IImogen


	4. February 1

February 1, 2012

Dear Friend,

It's weird how a club can cause you to bond with the most random people. I never mentioned Blaine, Kurt's boyfriend to you. He is definitely someone I never expected to become friends with because he was one of the most preppy looking boys I have ever seen; Sweater vests, bow ties, ties, polos, cardigans, and all those other clothes the rich preppy kids wear. We have actually never really spoken before yesterday in Glee Club when we got paired together to sing duets. They did the whole drawing names out of a hat which is a good way to do it. It will be interesting to see who sounds really good together and who doesn't. Even after being in the club for a few weeks I still don't know what everyone sounds like. Well since we are paired together, I felt we should go get coffee after glee club so we get to know each other a little bit and not sing blindly together only knowing small things. Like the only thing I even know about him is that he is dating Kurt and wears more hair gel then one person should wear. Thankfully he agreed because he kind of felt the same since all he knows about me is I am not from here, friends with Rachel and that I wear cat ears on occasion.

So after Glee Club the two of us went to the Lima Bean (which I am now hooked on their coffee…seriously it's really good.) We actually had quite a few things in common; the main thing being we were both practically in love with Harry Potter. So instead of talking about the duet and finding things we have in common with each other we talked (probably joking around though) about making a school musical about being wizards. Other things I found out about him were that he loved sports, had a weird obsession with Katy Perry, and transferred from a private school at the beginning of the year to be with Kurt. After long talks about pretty much nothing (and finding out we click very well as friends) we finally got to discussing on what our duet should be. I figured since we both love Katy Perry (she is actually my go to artist when I want to dance around in my underwear on random occasions….well her and Britney Spears) we should do a Katy Perry song. It took a while to figure out a song that wouldn't be completely awkward for new friends to sing to each other. We finally came up with _Hot N Cold. _Even if that can seem awkward in any way it's a fun song and would be fun to make a routine to. Plus neither of us thought it would be weird since it wasn't a really romantic song.

So today we spent lunch and a good hour after school working on our routine and practicing the actual singing. Luckily our voices work well together, I was surprised since he is like one of the most talented singers I know and I am just alright. I guess those work together. The dance routine was really fun, like a lot of fun. I have been practicing for hours even if I got it like two hours ago. At least I know I will have it down. I think I should go though and practice it once more then get to my pile of homework I have put off due to Glee Club.

Love,

Imogen


	5. February 7

February 7, 2012

Dear Friend,

I just got home from dress shopping with Anya. I had so much fun the moment I got home I felt the need to write you about it and the story on why we were dress shopping in the first place. So on Saturday is the Valentine's Day dance. Well the main reason I am so damn excited for this dance is because it is technically my first dance. The first real one, not just some middle school one I went just to participate or required to for class. So, Blaine and I were talking at lunch about the dance and I mentioned how I was probably not going to go because no one would ever ask me and I was oddly ok with it. Well he told me that since Kurt is away dealing with stuff that maybe we could go together as friends…which I found completely ok. Better actually gives me more freedom to just dance around not worrying about impressing a boyfriend or anything. I knew that I would probably actually end up spending the entire night dancing with Blaine (he is my date after all) but I would probably take a little break from him and dance with Anya…that is if I can pull her away from Sam.

Oh! I never told you about Sam and Anya. Mercedes (the daughter from the family Anya is staying with) is actually really close with Sam. So she introduced them and pretty much since then they had become inseparable…well the three of them. It was rare that I get Anya away from them (except it happens.) So both Anya and I have friend dates. She is going with Sam (just as friends) and of course you know I am going with Blaine. Anya is quite excited to have Sam as her date since she has a ginormous crush on him…as she has told me a million times. I am surprised she hasn't tried out for Glee Club yet to be honest. She has talked about it though just never got around to it…I should really talk her into that.

My sister being the bitch she is decided to make fun of me for one not having a real date to the dance and two for going with a guy that isn't even straight. She has got even more stuck up since she finally convinced Coach Sylvester to allow her on the cheerios and began dating this guy Phil. Only thing I know about him is that he slushied me after I joined the glee club…so I definitely don't approve of him. She doesn't care about my opinion at all though…so I don't even bother. She also told my mom about the many envelopes I have been taking from my mom to send you letters. I think it's time I buy my own pack…haven't quite figured out how to explain that I am pretty much writing my life story out to a stranger. I might just say I am writing to my dad…or Fiona…yeah Fiona is the better option my mom doesn't know how to contact her.

Love,

Imogen


	6. February 12

**So this is the chapter where Klaine fans might get pissed at me. As I said this is based a lot off of the Tumblr RP I am in and in no way would I ever want Klaine to break-up (seriously the break up on the show is killing me!) So this is all just for story purposes…**

February 12, 2012

Dear Friend,

Have you ever done something so unbelievably stupid that was not only not you but would affect you and more than one person? Well, it has officially happened to me and all because I was skipping because of fear. The main reason? Fear of being taunted. My sister kept going on and on about how her boyfriend, Phil was going to slushie me and Blaine the moment we walked in the door of the gym. It was all because they are closed-minded homophobes who just can't get over the fact that someone was in fact different than them. I don't see the big deal really, he was born that way why does he deserve to be tormented about it? He still had many qualities that a straight guy has, he really isn't that different. I don't even know if he is bullied a lot at school, I don't really think he is that much actually.

My sister is starting to become super closed minded because of who she hangs out with. She has normally always made fun of me but never because of whom I liked or whatever. I am not a lesbian, I think I am more pansexual actually. I did like a girl back at my old school who I kissed before I left, I believe I told you about that already though so I won't disrupt this letter with that story. Anyways about what I did that was so bad.

To avoid him getting bullied and tormented at the school dance I lied and said I feared dances because of all the bad stuff that happened at my old school. Last year there was a shooting at prom which kind of made me hesitant in the first place and also a knife was brought to one of the other dances at my old school. So it was actually very believable that I would fear dances. Not like I actually thought that any of that would happen here since it was a different school and completely different state. Apparently last year though according to Blaine, Kurt was crowned prom queen as a complete joke (which I actually do not find funny like at all). So it was pretty easy to convince him that we should just skip the dance. Instead we decided to have our own little dance at the park (which was thankfully empty, it was like 8 at night after all). It was innocent at first we just played music from his car loudly and danced around and talked. Well when I decided to go and change the song I discovered a bottle of vodka in the back of his car. He told me it was probably his moms when I asked about it. I had never been drunk and actually had wanted to try new things so I suggested we drink it. He actually agreed surprisingly so we just drank half the bottle together (although I think I drank more than him). After a while when a slow song came on and we were dancing my drunken self thought it would be a good idea to just kiss him. Which is where it gets to me not being myself since I would never actually try and purposely hook up with someone else's boyfriend. It went on from there when he started messing with my zipper and I pretty much gave him the get-go that it was ok to take it off. To not get into details we went back to his car and surprise had sex. Which is even more not like me since I was still a virgin and gave up my virginity to someone I had been friends with for about two weeks. Afterwards we went to ihop and I got glitter from my dress all over him (which was actually kind of funny) and I fell a few times. Being drunk and wearing heels…not the best combo like ever.

In good, well great news he did not treat it like a random hook up and was still kind to me. He came over for a bit and we talked. We also talked about being wizards with cardboard swords and surviving the zombie apocalypse while watching _Zombieland. _So at least that shows we are still close friends despite what happened. The bad thing though I completely forgot to ask if he wore a condom because of being between sad and just being distracted in general. He seems like the semi-responsible type though (even if he is just like any other guy when it comes to relationships) so I am not exactly too worried about this.

I am really most worried about how the Glee Club is going to react and if they are all just going to completely hate me. They are Kurt's friends who they have known for 3 years and I am just some girl they have known for about a month. Yeah they like me and I consider them my friends but this just ruins it and probably gives them a bad impression of me since they don't know me that well. I know I will definitely lose Rachel as a friend since she is bffs with Kurt. I don't know about the rest of the club but I am just so tempted to quit. Blaine told me not to be so silly and stay that drama like this happens all the time. In my mind this feels completely different than like Rachel cheating on Finn with Puck (which he used as an example) since according to Rachel since Kurt met Blaine he had become the happiest she had ever seen him. She said lately though he doesn't seem all happy but still I don't want him to become even more upset because of our idiocy. I don't even want Blaine to have any of the blame (even though I know he should) just because he doesn't deserve it.

In other news I am completely ashamed and embarrassed over the drunk texts I sent Anya (half of the reason I knew I had sex with Blaine was because I texted it to her). If I wasn't so embarrassed I would put a couple in this letter but for now I just can't…it hurts too.

I am sorry this wasn't the letter you were expecting from after the dance where I brag about how much fun I had. Now to go back to loathing myself and study my ass off to try and distract myself from dealing with school tomorrow.

Love,

Imogen


	7. February 20

**So the reactions of Blaine are like opposite of how he is on the show, I know. As I have mentioned this is based off of events in my RP and these are his similar reactions. There was more going on with Klaine at the time but she didn't know she they aren't mentioned. It will be in a future chapter though. Alright enjoy, if you can. **

February 20, 2012

Dear Friend,

I know I meant to write you like last week. I really did try but nothing would come onto the paper except the date and dear friend. I had tons of stuff to say but every time I tried the paper would turn damp from all the tears. So here I am finally able to write what happened, excuse if there are a couple crinkled parts from tears. Alright I bet the anticipation of what happened is killing you, like a part in a book and movie you are so ready to hear about but have to wait. So here is my story of last week.

So Monday was easy, nothing happened. Kurt wasn't back yet from wherever he was. So I felt like I had a small day of relief, or so I wished. I was still panicking all day as if he was going to just walk inside the school at any moment and know something was going to happen. I know that is completely unrealistic and wasn't going to happen. My mind is so pessimistic sometimes. Blaine told me to relax like a million and two times, and I really should have. I decided to sleep through a couple of classes as some sort of reaction, it didn't help at all. I tried at least, and that's what counts. I went straight home after school, pissing my sister off that I pulled her away from her friends. I really just couldn't be at the school for very much longer, not when I felt majorly guilty every time I saw Blaine or one of Kurt's friends. Marie told me that it would be alright, but I had a hard time believing anyone that it would be fine.

So Valentine's Day, you know the holiday for lovingness and happiness. Well Glee Club was happy and loving. So, Kurt returned from wherever he was. I felt so bad for Kurt knowing what probably would happen after school and there was nothing I could do about it. I mean I couldn't just go 'hey Kurt yeah your boyfriend cheated on you with me.' So, I decided to just act calm (as Blaine and Anya kept telling me to do like a million and two times, I think it turned into a million and four today after seeing Kurt back). It was kind of easy today since Glee Club was a lot of fun with everyone singing love songs to their significant other (or just songs that can count as love songs I guess.) Kurt and Blaine didn't do one for each other which kind of made me glad. I would be mad at Blaine if he did in fact sing a love song for Kurt and I would be heartbroken for Kurt if he sang one for Blaine. I did however have a song prepared to sing and have recorded for Fiona. Even if we weren't together and not even in the same country I still had a crush on her and decided that she will be my long distance Valentine. It was one of the few things that made me happy these past few days. I sang the song _Mine_ by Taylor Swift, for some reason I felt it fit the situation. I had Rachel record it for me. I never really sing slow songs, or songs that are just played on guitar so this was a lot more emotional than all my other songs. I really got into the song closing my eyes just imagining life if Fiona was there, or that I never moved and we were together back in Canada. By the end of the song I could feel tears going down my cheeks. After finishing the song I got up from the stool I had been sitting in immediately to sit back down in my seat next to Rachel.

That night Fiona and I had our skype date we promised each other for Valentine's Day. She loved the song saying it was the most beautiful she had ever heard me sing. She did notice something was wrong though and that it just wasn't tears thinking of her. I ended up telling her everything that had been going on in my life. She didn't judge, nor get mad at me for hooking up with someone else's boyfriend. She said everyone makes mistakes and that I shouldn't beat myself up over it. Fiona also told me to tell Kurt, even if Blaine doesn't (despite Blaine telling me not to tell him and to leave it up to him). After a long silence of me holding back all arguments on why I shouldn't do it, I couldn't come up with any except Blaine told me not to. She said that it wasn't a good enough reason, and I agreed with her because it was true. So I promised her that I would tell Kurt tomorrow when I saw him even if it killed me.

So I came to school Wednesday all prepared to tell Kurt everything. This apparently was not able to happen when I finally felt confident enough because he was not at school since Blaine told him everything the night before. Happy Valentines for the two of them. Well, Blaine told me that he told Kurt about the cheating but didn't tell him that it was me he cheated with. Just said some girl he met on facebook, like it should make me feel better. I acted like I was relieved that he cared enough to stop people from being mad at me, but I was more annoyed than anything. I had no clue how he was acting so calm about this when it was his relationship he was ruining. It made me think that maybe there was even more going on or he was bottling up everything but was secretly torn up inside over his mistake. I decided it was better not to ask since it wasn't my business. I did say though if he needed someone to talk to he knew where I lived.

After school I left pretty quickly not wanting to deal with seeing everything that could possibly make me feel guilty even more. I even avoided Blaine, really only talking to Marie who told me to calm down a lot. So that was on my mind all day and to try and attempt to calm myself down I just slept in a couple of my classes. This barely even helped since I just dreamed the worst possible scenarios. I was an extreme pessimist lately, and I did not like this one bit. This is not like me at all, well I am not myself at all since that dramatic night over a week ago.

So Thursday was the actual day of dramatics, Kurt was actually at school. I saw him standing at his locker thankfully alone. The walk down the hall to him was the longest and probably the most terrifying walk ever. Also painful as I did not notice I bumped into three people, one who was a football player and actually hurt walking into him. So I had this whole speech planned out to tell Kurt, like it made me feel more confident to tell him in the first place. If only the speech I had planned is what came out of my mouth. I was originally going to say "Hey, Kurt can I talk to you?" Well, I did say that and it was the only part of what I had planned out that I said. After he said yes is where I messed up. Originally it was going to be. "I am really sorry for what happened with Blaine, I really am. There is something I need to tell you about it that he didn't tell you." Insert a deep sigh/breath here. "On the night of the Valentine's Day dance Blaine and I were going to go together as just friends. We decided to skip the dance and instead we went to the park to have our own little dance. It did start out that way but ended up in us getting drunk and one thing led to another and we had sex." Then I would apologize like 50 times. Now what really happened was: "HiKurtIamthegirlyourboyfrien dhadsexwithwhileyouwereaway." That gave me the biggest what the fuck face from him like ever. So what I said following that (a lot slower and easier for him to understand; "I'm really sorry Kurt, when you were away I had drunken sex with you ex, I really am sorry." I felt I didn't actually sound sorry, which I totally did. My nerves took the best of me. So I apologized like 20 times after that. His response was probably the most heartbreaking thing anyone has ever said to me (an I have been called nothing before.) "I respected you, Imogen. You went by your own rules, you seemed kind to everyone you met; you didn't seem like the kind of person who would hurt others, seems I guessed wrong on the last part." Then he slammed his locker and walked away. I just stood there for like 5 minutes in shock and trying not to cry. I knew I deserved every word he said to me, but it doesn't stop the fact it hurt. I have truly hurt someone I barely knew and was nothing but nice to me. I hated myself for it and everything.

When I could finally move I just stormed out of the building not being able to be there anymore. I texted my sister saying to find another ride home since I wasn't feeling well and went home, which of course was a lie. I just couldn't tell her the truth because then I know it would get around the school. Plus she would have told my mom I was skipping and I didn't want that. I faked sick that Friday not wanting to face everyone, not ready to face everyone. So my weekend was me pretending to be sick. Anya came by and checked on me on Saturday though, I still faked sick with her there in hope that if I kept this up I could skip Monday also (aka Today). It didn't work though, my mom said unless I have a fever I have to go since I already missed one day. I gave up and decided to try and face everyone at school. It seemed the Glee Club knew since a few people were pissed off at me, Puck even slushied me. Mercedes and Sam didn't seem mad at me, which I was relieved for. I think it was mostly because Anya talked them into not being mad. Of course Blaine wasn't mad, he was slightly annoyed with me for telling him the full story but he understood. I could see Blaine cracking more over it though. I kind of rushed home after school, getting judgmental looks from everyone you were friends with gets kind of old. I hope that this blows over soon and everything goes back to unicorns and rainbows.

Well I think it's time I end this long letter by saying goodnight and try and do all this make up work. Seriously though, it's a lot of make-up work. I was gone one day and have like an entire English essay to write. I also have a math test to study for and a history test to study for. It's like I am being punished for my mistakes in the form of school work. Ok, now it is time for me to go and get some sleep. Goodnight.

Love,

Imogen


	8. February 24

February 24, 2012

Dear Friend,

Mandatory meetings suck, especially when you feel the whole club is mad at you. So I was forced to go to Thursday's meeting and face everyone. I mean I wasn't planning on quitting the club that was the best part of my week for a mistake I made when one day it could be solved. Plus I felt like it would be worse if I up and quit, like a coward which I was not. I did quit the play at my old school because of a guy, I think that was different though since the two of us were leads. Anyways, it wasn't as bad as I thought. The club wasn't as judgy as I thought; I guess Blaine was right when he said stuff like that happened a lot in that club. I mean like expected Rachel was a bit mad at me, and was giving me the silent treatment. It saddened me a bit since we were becoming really close friends, but I guess I understand since Kurt was closer to her than I was. I guess I can only hope over time I am forgiven by all and everything be happy cheery and rainbows again. I mean I doubt it, but it's always a wishful hope. I decided until everything was sorted out I should stay away from Blaine for a few weeks, or at least not talk to him that much at school. At least not until everything blew over; it was upsetting a bit since I really did miss talking to him since he was becoming my best friend. I pretty much stuck close to Sam and Mercedes though during Glee Club since I knew for a fact they weren't judging or mad at me. I still was relieved that Anya was somehow able to talk Mercedes into not being mad at me since I know Mercy (my nickname for her) and Kurt are pretty close. A lot of the club was mad at Blaine, which kind of saddens me since I could tell he was hurting inside. Yes, he hid it well at the beginning but since the actual breakup and a few days later he hated himself more and more. I just wish there was something I could do to fix it, it was my fault after all. I just know right now there was nothing I could do since I was trying not to talk to Blaine and Kurt hated me. The only thing I could do is wait for 1. Kurt to forgive me (which is likely to never happen) and 2 Kurt and Blaine make up. In other Glee related news I have decided to come up with an apology song to sing in hopes everyone forgives me, even though I doubt it would help with me getting forgiveness from Kurt. Everything is worth a shot, now to just find the perfect apology song. It's a lot harder than it sounds, trust me.

Now in some happy news, two step brothers from my old school moved here. Their names are Drew and Adam. I don't know Drew that much except he dated my friend, Bianca and is in the same grade as me. He is part of the popular group that got me suspended from school for a month, well it would have been a month if it wasn't for my bestie Fiona. So I have never been a huge fan of him, but whatever he was here and he isn't completely rude to me. Guess it was just the populars but yeah he is my new partner in History since Rachel isn't talking to me. I don't get it with this school, just because we are from the same school doesn't mean we have to work together. Oh well, it's nice to actually have a partner being alone sucks. Chairs are awful partners; they do none of the work. Adam on the other hand was one of my good friends back in Canada. We were in a band together named Whisperhug. He played bass and I was back up singer and at times drummer, glass playing, or tambourine. Depends on the song, but I was always back-up singer. So it was nice him being here, even if we have no classes together but we still had lunch together and I am going to show him around town tomorrow.

Since I am spending time with my old good friend I think I should go to sleep so I am not a zombie when we hang out. It's 3 in the morning, and zombies are never great company. Write you later!

Love,

Imogen


	9. February 29

February 29, 2012

Dear Friend,

Things are actually starting to look up, at least on my end. I decided against singing an apology song, not that I didn't try…because I totally did. Just looking for one was kind of hell, like looking up 'songs to apologize to' on google or youtube never worked out well. I did find a good song by a band or person I don't know they/him is called 'Hey Adam!" the song was just called 'The Apology Song' it was actually a really good song, super catchy. Biggest problem with the song though it didn't work the situation, but it did give me a good song to listen on repeat for about an hour before I decided to listen to something else. Fun fact of the evening though is I am listening to it right now, end of stuff you don't actually care about. I bet it is nice you hearing about something that isn't tear jerking or well venting about my pathetic life.

Alright, now for my life story (or week story, whatever). Well the biggest surprise like ever happened, Kurt replied to me. I will never fully understand why it happened, but it is the biggest shock ever in my life. I think I am more surprised at that than I was about losing my virginity in the back of a car to someone I believe is 100% gay. Speaking of Blaine, I am still not talking to him very much. We did kind of text a little bit but I don't know, I guess it's the caring side of me that's not talking to him. I want him and Kurt to make up and I feel like I might ruin it more by talking to him. I don't really understand how my mind works anymore. I do feel bad though since Blaine is mentally breaking, and it's very obvious. He is hardly singing in Glee Club and spends a lot of time in the corner sad, it's very obvious he had been crying. I do just want to hug him and tell him everything will be ok, but I just don't feel like that would be a good idea. Maybe I will tell him why I'm not talking to him though, so I don't make him feel like I am avoiding him because of us sleeping together but I am avoiding him because I want to make things better. Damn the caring side of me, I miss my friend!

In new news that has nothing to do with my fuck up…I am starting to actually develop feelings for my old friend Adam. It's weird, like I know I put off a bad impression at first by pretty much being obsessed with his best friend, Eli. I screamed out "ELI GOLDSWORTHY PUNCHED ME IN THE FACE, DON'T PROVOKE HIM, HE'S AN ANIMAL." Yeah…I was weirder then. He called me psycho (I also had tampons in my nose, but hey they soak up bloody noses really well!) Anywhoooo, we spent a lot of time together with our band and I guess I did enjoy being with him more than the other members, but I never counted that as a crush. I was head over heels for Fiona then, maybe that could have something to do with it, I have no clue. Crushes are up there with the most confusing things, like ever. I think I'll ignore these feelings until my life is settled back to normal and until I figure things out, sounds like a great plan!

I am officially rambling and falling asleep on my pad of paper. Until next time I salute you!

Love,

Imogen


	10. March 15

**This chapter involves mention of stuff that may trigger. So if subject of rape makes you uncomfortable I would suggest you skip this chapter (and a few chapters after, but specifically this chapter. **

March 15, 2012

Dear Friend, I don't exactly know what the point of me writing you is anymore. Maybe to just show that I am in fact still alive I guess. I mean I guess I'm alive, I feel dead inside. I feel disgusting, bruised, and just plain depressed. Like I was upset about the Blaine thing, but now I just feel like I should die. Do you believe in karma? I do, I believe I deserved this for ruining a relationship. How could I possibly let someone take advantage of me like that? Why would I be so stupid into trusting the fact that I can leave a cup for two minutes and someone not put something in it? You don't know me but can you please tell me telepathically on why I'm so stupid, why I deserve this? Why anyone deserves this? Maybe it is karma, maybe people who ruin relationships deserve to have their innocence stolen from them. Not like there was much innocence to begin with, but the part of me that made me well alive.

If it wasn't for Anya I probably would actually be dead, she saved my life. I just hate that she had to witness something so horrible, but forever will be grateful for having such a good friend to save me from such a terrible fate. Sadly, some days I wish I was dead. I wish Anya didn't find me and he actually did kill me. Everything hurts, I may be alive but pretty much my whole body is bruised, especially in between my thighs. I just wish…I just want to be back in Canada. At least I can easily hide the bruises on my face, even if it involves touch ups every couple of hours. The tears on the other hand are impossible to hide.

I haven't gone to school in over a week. I keep throwing up, which has happened before when I got super depressed. It's getting as bad as food doesn't even settle in my stomach anymore. Anya even tried cheering me up by bringing me pizza but all I did was puke at the sight of it. I was more interested in the small bottle of vodka she brought anyways, it calmed my depression for a good couple of hours before I burst out into tears again. While I was drinking though my mind went blank and I could actually smile, it at least felt more real than the fake smiles I have been putting on my face for my family. I don't think they're that convinced though. They at least haven't asked me what's wrong, so that's a major plus I guess.

Well yeah…sorry for the damp spots on the paper. As I mentioned when I'm sober I constantly cry. I am also on about two hours of sleep a night because of nightmares. I think I saw a unicorn one day, it was pretty. Well, I guess I'll write you soonish to show I am still alive again.

Love,

Imogen


	11. March 22

March 22, 2012

Dear Friend,

I am sure you were super confused about my last letter since it was just me writing about how stupid I was. I hope you did get the gist of what I was trying to say since I am not really going/wanting to repeat it. Anyways, I am going to tell you the story on what I was saying. I am not going to go into full detail, nor am I going to tell all. I just want you to know what started it. My memory is still fuzzy and I am trying to black it all out. It is a really hard thing to do since it's only been a few weeks. So before it's completely gone I shall tell you what I can (in so little detail). So here it goes:

Anya and I one day decided to go on a little adventure since we were both kind of in a depressed mood. Her over something with Sam (don't quite remember what exactly it was) and me with the whole ruining a relationship thing. I got this brilliant idea to go venture the nearby college that was recently built in Lima. Well, we discovered a frat party going on during our walk through it; So brilliant idea by Imogen number one was to crash the party. I still don't know why I decided it was a good idea, but in my mind at the time it was. After a lot of convincing on my part Anya agreed. Apparently crashing a frat party was a lot easier than I thought it was going to be. No one even questioned two random girls walking in. I never even thought that we could pass for college students, but apparently we do or they just really did not care. Anyways brilliant idea number two was changing our names, a little acting experiment. She changed hers to Monique while I changed mine to Athera. Again I am only giving you the gist of what happened, so there will not be very much detail on what happened. Brilliant idea number three was that we should drink, since again they did not seem to care at all about anything. The most brilliant idea I had though was leaving my drink unattended for a few minutes to go dance to some Lady Gaga song and drinking it again when I came back. Like my mind was already gone from the little bit I drank and didn't think someone could possibly drug my drink. That's the last thing I remember from the night. I don't even want to know what else happened as I told Anya a few times, at least not yet. It feels like it would hurt a lot less if I didn't know the whole story. Maybe when I am feeling better about the whole thing I will ask, for now I just can't.

So I am going to end this short letter here, since the little I did tell you kind of drained my memory.

Love,

Imogen


	12. March 28

March 28, 2012

Dear Friend,

These past few days have been, well, different. Mostly because I was back in school and had to force myself to be 100% happy even more. Luckily it was kind of easier when I was around my friends, at least Anya and Blaine. It was also nice being back in Glee Club, oddly enough all of them (besides Kurt) were happy to see me, even Rachel. Apparently Anya joined Glee Club in my absence and completely failed to mention it in her visits to me in my time of sickness. She brought me my school work every day after school, sometimes she would actually stay and hang out with me. I am very grateful for the fact she did that, even if I didn't work on very much of it because of being "sick" it was still better than having to do it all when I got back. Missing three weeks of school may cause that to happen. I am kind of also grateful my mom forced me to do most of it. I still fear I am going to die from overload of homework…there is a disease for that right?

I already mentioned how I am friends with Blaine again. It pretty much occurred to me right as I was putting the last letter to you in the mailbox that he was the only other person I trusted besides Anya. Since Anya well was there it wouldn't work venting to her since I think she was taking it pretty hard as well, she kind of witnessed some of it (I figured that out a few days ago also). Right after I put it in the mail box I decided to walk over to his house. I thankfully thought it was a good idea to wear my favourite green converse and my black hoodie outside. So I didn't even have to go back inside (I also had my phone with me, I have become paranoid). He was in major shock when I appeared at his door step, I mean I stopped talking to him and I had been away for 3 weeks where he didn't even hear from me (he thought I was dead). He was apparently home alone, which apparently happens like all the time. Well I decided even if it was quite obvious something was wrong with me since I still had traces of tears around my eyes and the fact my hair was down (that never happens). I figured why not try and keep casual conversations till he asked what was wrong, it seemed like a good plan. I discovered him and Kurt are back on speaking terms which legitimately made me happy. I guess my idea of not talking to him completely worked on fixing them; even if that isn't the real reason I am going to stick with it since it makes me feel a little better about myself. Now maybe I could think of a brilliant idea on how to get the two of them back into a relationship; even if I don't know the full story on their relationship crumbling down last time. I need to make a note to ask Blaine about that later, definitely could help me out. Eventually after about an hour and a half of casual talk about happy stuff and joking around like we used to he asked me what was going on. It started by the fact I accidentally rubbed off some of the make- up covering a fading bruise on my right eye. He was surprisingly not all cliché with the whole thing like most people were. Like of course an '_I'm sorry' _was said but it wasn't like he felt awkward about it. Like some people would not even know how to handle it and just sit there silently after awkwardly saying _I'm sorry _or even worse say that they understand. That drives me insane, especially because things like this it's hard for them to truly understand. Apparently he went through a similar thing with Kurt. He wouldn't go into full detail since it wasn't really my business and I completely understood that. It was nice venting to him about it and everything that I have been going through. He even let me cry into his shoulder a bit. I was kind of glad he wasn't dressed all dapper like that day; just a simple red polo.

I ended up accidentally staying the night (causing him to be worried more as I did end up throwing up a couple times while there) after falling asleep as we watched Harry Potter. When I woke up really early (around like 9 AM) I panicked because I knew my mom would realize I left the house. Especially when I noticed she called about 50 times and I missed them all from sleeping/not noticing it ringing while we were watching Harry Potter. I rushed out of his house and pretty much ran home and yeah…I was in trouble. My punishment: being forced to go back to school. I guess it was a good thing; I didn't want to fail my senior year.

So I already told you the story of what happened when I went back to school so I won't tell you that again. Everyone did think I died though since no one heard from me for weeks. I lied and said my dad was really sick and I had to go back to Canada for a few weeks to see him and I was so busy with that I never told anyone. Thankfully Blaine and Anya backed my story. I had to pay and blackmail my sister to keep her mouth shut and back the story. I caught my sister and her boyfriend doing some not so innocent things in the living room, she's an idiot.

Blaine and Anya (I didn't even know they talked) practically had an intervention for me at lunch, I don't think it actually was but I am going to just call it that anyways. After pretty much the entire lunch period of them trying to tell me to talk to the guidance counselor I finally agreed. I am now set up to see her every Wednesday. I already know I will hate this; I don't like people picking my brain, especially strangers. I mean she isn't a complete stranger since she is engaged to the Glee Club director but it still would feel weird. From what I see/hear she is really nice so I guess this might work out, I hope.

Now to go die in my pile of homework/make up work. If you never hear from me, you know why…I died from the evil disease of homework.

Love,

Imogen

**Shout out to two of the best people ever: Jess for playing the best Anya ever in my RP helping with the very dramatic rape storyline. Also her being super smart and complimenting my writing. Next to my friend Thomas who is my biggest fan and motivates me to keep updating even with lack of reviews (also making me fan girl constantly from loving my story). **


	13. March 31

March 31, 2012

Dear Friend,

I found out my diagnosis on the mysterious, throwing up non-stop. It isssss, my life being ruined aka pregnancy. I won't go into full amount of detail on what made me decide to finally take the test. I just had a freak out text with Anya in our last period class yesterday and immediately after school we ran to the drug store. Thankfully no one was home so I was able to have my freak out in peace when the 3 tests I took were positive. I still haven't gone to the doctor yet, but I don't think three tests would really lie now would they? I don't even know whose kid it is…I immediately thought it would be the rapists but Anya put the one thought into my head that it could in fact be Blaine's. So my thoughts are going to working up the courage to tell Blaine. This is really freaky, I am only 17; I should be more worried about graduating in a couple months, not worrying about if I should keep a baby or not.

Other than Anya you are the first person I have told, well you learn about things quickly anyways. Just…I wish I knew how this could be easy, like a magic 8 ball could give me an answer. Seriously, when I tried it I got 'Try again later' like 3 times. I think when I threw it out of frustration I broke it, or it just got angry at me and decided to keep telling me to try again later. In case you were wondering, it is still on my floor. I threw it again out of frustration…it honestly does help a little bit. Although I am scared I will break it, I think I would be murdered if I did. It's actually my little brothers, oopsie. I will just buy him a new one; he will never know the difference.

In other news, the Glee club is having a birthday party for me. I am 100% positive that it was just Anya begging Sam to beg the Glee Club to cheer me up a little. Oh, I forgot to mention that my 18th birthday is tomorrow. How am I supposed to focus on the fact that everyone is being so nice to me and having a party when all I can think about is how I should tell Blaine that he could possibly be a father; especially with him there. I will just have to try and act completely normal, that shouldn't be too hard; I am an actress after all.

I am just going to end this here. Anya just texted me saying that she is on her way over. We are going shopping for the party tomorrow and just to get my mind off of things. Oh how I love depressed shopping, also the fact my mom is a doctor. Also the fact she said to go ahead and do so since she could tell I was down. I love her at times, just worried one day she will ask what's wrong. I might have to tell her eventually, but for right now I am good with keeping secrets. Alright, bye.

Love,

Imogen


End file.
